In conversations with loved ones and clients about their anxiety, I’ve often heard some variation of the phrase: “I know I just need to the Lord with this.” And I never quite know how to respond. On the one hand, yes, we are called to trust the Lord and on the other hand, I know that it is completely normal and part of the human experience to feel fear and anxiety. Not only is it normal, it’s actually a part of how God made us to be as humans.

In the counseling world, we describe anxiety as a secondary emotion to fear, meaning fear is usually the primary emotion we’re experiencing, but it manifests itself through worry, panic, and other trademark symptoms of anxiety. This fear/anxiety serves a purpose: it tells us what is important to us and motivates us into action. It’s protective. For example, if I see my small child running down the driveway towards the street, my heart rate elevates, my feet start running after her, and I’m screaming for her to stop, as I have horrible visions in my head of what might happen if she runs into the street. My fear is serving a purpose here – it’s reminding me how much I care about my daughter and her safety, and it’s motivating me into action to stop her. 

Let’s say I see my daughter running towards the street and I feel afraid, but I stay in my comfy lawn chair, and pray, “Dear Jesus, please rid me of my fear. Help me to trust you that you will keep her safe as she runs into the street.” I make no effort to move or yell at her to stop. That sounds crazy, right?! It’s completely illogical, dangerous, and dare I say sinful because I’m abdicating my responsibility as her mother to keep her safe. It’s also unloving. While fear is unpleasant to feel, it is not morally wrong or sinful to feel afraid. It serves a purpose. Trying to rid ourselves of that fear in the name of “trusting Jesus” may actually lead to sinful and unloving behavior.

I wonder if, as Christians, we sometimes think that we are not trusting the Lord if we feel any fear AT ALL. Philippians 4:6 is the hot verse we often hear preached on about anxiety: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” We view our experience of being anxious as a sign that we are doubting, that we are not trusting what we believe to be true. Maybe we are relying on our own strength, white knuckling the grip of control that we think we have over our lives and the world around us. But I would argue that experiencing the feeling of anxiety is separate from not trusting the Lord and relying on our own strength. (I actually think that when we don’t allow ourselves to feel our fear, we’re not trusting the Lord, but more on that in a minute.) I worry that by automatically judging ourselves for feeling fear, we block ourselves completely from thinking or feeling it, which causes us to numb out.

We may be reading implication into the “present your requests to God” part, like if we just tell Him what we’re anxious about, He’ll rid us of our fear. As if praying is a magic antidote to feeling fear. However, ridding ourselves of a feeling is simply not possible. We can certainly choose and control how we respond to the experience of a feeling, which, ironically, can then in some instances change the feeling. But think of it this way – think of the last thing that you ate. Now, delete that thought. Get rid of it and forget it. Don’t think about it anymore. How is that working out for you? It’s hard, right?! Controlling HOW we feel is the same way. God is certainly sovereign and may certainly rid us of our fear after praying to Him about it. Or the fear may still be there after prayer. And that’s normal. God made us to feel emotions, even difficult ones that He tells us to turn to Him with. Hearing our prayers about what we are afraid of is one way in which He cares for us in the midst of our fear.

I care about what we’ve been taught or led to believe about anxiety and our faith because I fear that what we’ve been taught may be unhelpful, inaccurate or incomplete; and may in fact be making us more anxious.

How so? As I mentioned earlier, if we judge ourselves for feeling fear or anxiety, we are tempted to block ourselves from experiencing the emotion, which can lead to numbing. This could also look like trying to reason away our fear or talk ourselves out of feeling what we feel. Maybe we don’t think we’re worthy of our own feelings, and that everyone else’s feelings matter more. Not only are we ignoring God’s given purpose for fear, but it takes a whole lot of energy trying to tamp down, control, rationalize, or explain away emotions. When we devote our energy to this, our emotions end up running the show. Not only does it drain away our energy, but our efforts and explanations may become less potent over time, and our brain scrambles to find new ways of denying a crucial part of ourselves.

When we judge ourselves for feeling afraid and for not trusting God enough, we turn inward, looking for a solution, striving, striving to be “good” and to fix our problem. But wait…doesn’t our faith say that we by nature aren’t good enough to earn God’s favor? That His salvation is by faith through grace alone? And yet, when we think we are addressing our experience of fear as a sin that needs to be absolved or rid of, we condemn ourselves, which leads to shame, and we know from Adam and Eve’s story in Genesis 3 that shame separates us from God.

There’s another common verse preached on anxiety: 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” When we cut ourselves off from our difficult emotions, we cut off the possibility of experiencing God’s kindness and care in the midst of our struggles. Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you.” We read about the Lord’s promises in Isaiah 43 to walk with His people through deep waters and through fire, and—due to His presence and His power—the waves and the flames will not consume them. God doesn’t promise to rid us of the challenges and fears we are facing, but He does promise to be with us in the midst of them.

Personally, I wonder what it looks like to allow myself to be cared for and sustained by the Lord in the midst of my anxiety. He’s God, so the possibilities of how He might care for me are infinite (isn’t that so cool?! Why don’t we talk more about THAT in our churches?!). When I reflect on how I’ve experienced God’s care in the past, I think of good cry sessions, sipping tea (or sometimes wine) on a beautiful evening outside, specific songs, or life-giving conversations with my husband or a friend. I can’t say I’ve experienced His care through judgment over feeling afraid. It’s usually more of a gentle nudge that “yes, this situation does feel scary, and yes, I am right here with you.”

To me, letting the Lord care for me in my anxiety is trusting Him. Trusting Him that He is enough to see me through scary times of my life. But this requires me to actually acknowledge and feel my fear, to feel my need for His comfort and care. By cutting off myself from experiencing fear, I turn to rely on my own strength to help me cope, rather than relying on the Lord.

Let’s reframe what it means to be afraid as a Christian. Let’s consider fully what trusting the Lord entails. And let’s end the stigma of feeling scared as a believer.

Some questions to consider:

• What have you been taught or led to believe about feeling anxious or afraid as a Christian?
• When you experience feeling afraid or anxious, what thoughts come to your mind? How do you respond when you feel afraid or anxious?
• How have you experienced God’s care for you in the past?