Let’s be honest…social media plays a role in all of our lives. Even if you’re deliberately not on social networks, the existence of social media has changed the way we relate and connect with each other.

One way in which social media has changed the way we relate to each other is that it serves as a near constant reminder of the socializing we may be missing out on, as well as the existence of hundreds of friends and acquaintances who we don’t see regularly and may not have ever met in person. These reminders are breeding ground for discontentment and jealousy, even if we understand that what we see on social media is not always the real story.

So, how do we cope with these daily/hourly/by-the-minute reminders of what we’re missing out on, that may be calling us to the land of discontent? What do we do about FOMO (fear of missing out)?

First, we can recognize FOMO when we experience it and we can set realistic expectations. Yes, we have hundreds of friends and acquaintances on social media – is it really possible to plan a coffee date with every one of them? Likewise, they probably have hundreds of friends and acquaintances on social media, and it may not be possible for them to include you in every single event, outing, etc. Not being included in every single Instagram picture does not automatically mean you are disliked by that particular friend.

Second, we can remember our own ability to take initiative, reach out and connect. If you feel like you’re not seeing some of your old friends as much as you’d like, consider the time you have available in the next month for socializing, as well as choose a comparable amount of friends/acquaintances you could see during those times. Choose those friends that are closest and/or the ones you value time with or miss seeing the most, and reach out to each of them to schedule a time to hang out.

Third, talk to your friends. If you feel intentionally excluded, it may be good for your friendship to reach out to the person or people you feel excluded by to let them know how you feel. Or, if you noticed some of your friends did something really fun that you wished you would’ve been invited to, let them know that you’d love to join them in the future. If you continue to be left out of social events, it may be worth reflecting on your friendship with that person or friend group. Why and how did you become friends with them? What is it about that friendship that is most important to you? Are there other friends who seem to invest more of their time and energy into their friendship with you? Those friends may be the ones to pursue.