Stop for a moment and think of the term: emotion. What comes up for you?
Here are some things that immediately come to my mind: “Oh, she’s so emotional;” “don’t be so emotional!”; feelings; good and bad emotions; eye rolls; the episode of the Bachelor that I watched last night; crying; screaming; laughing.
Looking at my list, I notice messages that I’ve associated with the word “emotion” over the years, as well as both positive and negative characteristics associated with the term. When I did this little exercise, I noticed that most of my list seemed to have negative connotations with the word emotion. From conversations I’ve had with friends, family members, and clients, I know that I’m not the only one with negative connotations about emotion…and I’m a therapist for crying out loud! We love emotions!
When did (and how did) the concept of emotion get such a negative reputation? A whole book could probably be written on that subject, and that’s not my purpose in writing this blog today. My purpose in writing this blog is to dispel the overall negative connotation of emotion. To defend emotion. I thought I would attempt this by taking it back to fifth grade language arts and exploring the who/what/where/when/why/how of emotion.
Who has emotions? We were all created with emotions. We read in Genesis 1 that God created man in His own image. We also read in Genesis 1 about God’s emotional expression—after each element of creation, He calls it “good.” He clearly feels satisfied with what He has made. In Genesis 2, we get an idea of what Adam may have felt when, in verse 9, we learn that the Lord made for him “every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food.” (I love that the Bible describes emotional responses to food in its very early chapters! :))
God not only has feelings of satisfaction and contentment, He also shows feelings of anger and sadness. You don’t have to dig deep into the Bible to find a plethora of examples of God’s anger and sadness! Open to the book of Isaiah or any book describing the rebellion of the Israelites against God, and you’ll find plenty of instances in which God was furious with or grieving over the people He loved so much. And of course, we have the classic example of Jesus overturning the money changers’ tables in the temple in Matthew 21:12. Clearly, the fact that God shows us His emotion from the very beginning of time indicates that emotions in and of themselves are not “bad” things.
From an anthropological perspective, emotions have helped us not only thrive, but to survive throughout history. Think about our ancestors who may have encountered a saber tooth tiger or two. Most likely, they experienced a feeling of fear or anxiety coming face to face with a deadly beast. This fear or anxiety prompted them to seek safety away from the tiger in order to survive.
What are emotions? When do we have emotions? We tend to think of emotions as either positive or negative. Positive emotions may include: happy, excited, calm, content, etc. Negative emotions may include: sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, etc. We usually experience negative emotions when we notice a disparity between what we long for and what our current reality is. I was curious to see how the dictionary defined the word “emotion.” In both definitions provided, they describe it as a feeling or state of mind that is a natural, instinctive, intuitive response to “one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.” The second definition distinguishes this feeling “from reasoning or knowledge.” Looking at these two definitions together shows us that emotion is natural, and also that emotion does not equal reason or knowledge. We don’t have to write emotion off as silly or frivolous – we can recognize it as a natural, God-given characteristic that we all share. At the same time, we can recognize the benefits of noticing our natural responses, while also seeking reason and knowledge to make decisions.
Where do we experience emotions? We all experience emotions in different ways. This is largely based on our past experiences, what we were taught about the role of emotion in our everyday lives, and how those lessons were reinforced by our primary caregivers. One thing we all share in common in our experience of emotion is that our bodies are physically impacted by our emotions. Take a moment and identify one emotion you’re experiencing right now. Maybe it’s stress, maybe it’s sadness, maybe it’s boredom. Where in your body do you experience this emotion most intensely? What are the different sensations you notice around this feeling? Is it tight, loose, hot, cold, heavy, or light?
There are numerous research studies done on how emotion affects the body, particularly in the bodies of individuals who’ve experienced trauma. We often hear heartbreaking stories of heroic veterans who return from war wracked with night terrors, flashbacks, or strong physiological responses to loud noises. They may be removed from the imminent danger they were once placed in, but their bodies remember the fear and panic they were once subjected to. Even small or seemingly unrelated reminders of those past experiences can trigger the body to remember the emotions it experienced in those moments and react accordingly, even if those reactions are no longer necessary in their current context.
Why do we have and experience emotions? While I think another book could be written on this topic, I’ll name two purposes of having and allowing ourselves to experience emotions. First, experiencing our full range of emotions is a way in which we reflect the image of God. As I’ve written above, it’s clear that God experiences emotions, both positive and negative. It’s funny how easily we as Christians can dismiss emotions as “bad” or “ungodly” when God’s emotions are written about all throughout the Bible. God’s emotions give us insight into what He cares about so that we too can care about the things He cares about. One example of this is found in Amos 2:6-7: “This is what the Lord says: ‘For three sins of Israel, even for four, I will not turn back [my wrath]. They sell the righteous for silver, and the needy for a pair of sandals. They trample on the heads of the poor as upon the dust of the ground and deny justice to the oppressed. Father and son use the same girl and so profane my holy name.’” In this passage, we learn about a few things that make God angry: when He witnesses righteousness being traded in for wealth, the poor being taken advantage of, justice being denied to the oppressed, and incest. These are clearly things God cares about and we can use the emotion (wrath) that He expresses in this passage as information regarding how He wants us to live.
Second, emotions are valuable because they provide us with information. (I wrote more about what we can learn from our emotions in a previous blog post.) Emotions provide us with information about how we’re experiencing the world and the people around us, which influences our responses to those experiences. For example, if we notice ourselves feeling afraid, are we in a circumstance where we perceive danger? This could include walking down a dark alleyway in a notoriously dangerous part of town, or it could include attending a party where we are afraid of what others might think of us. Our emotions also help us to understand our relational needs, and to communicate what we need or desire in our relationships with others. Emotions help create a sense of community, through empathy and sympathy, as emotions are universal to the human experience.
How do we honor our natural, God-given emotions without throwing reason or knowledge out the window? First, we can mindfully acknowledge the emotions we’re experiencing in the present moment without judging ourselves for having them. This is so much easier said than done, especially if we’ve grown up in contexts where certain emotions were attached to labels such as “bad,” “dramatic,” or “weak.” Instead of trying to control or eliminate our difficult emotions, we let them be as they are, even if they’re unpleasant. We can remind ourselves that that the God of the universe has emotions! Yes, He even feels anger! We can pause and be curious about what’s going on inside of us and then use that information to respond in informed and self-compassionate ways, rather than getting caught up in trying to control or get rid of our emotions, which often leads to our emotions dictating our decision-making. When we’re open to our emotional experience, we’re enabled to act in accordance with our values. We make room for all of our emotional experiences so that we’re able to do what really matters to us. We get to decide how we want to respond to our difficult experiences rather than our difficult experiences deciding for us.
We all experience emotions, both positive and negative. They are part of every human’s experience. Experiencing a difficult emotion does not make us “bad,” or bitter, angry, difficult, dramatic, etc. Instead, when we experience an emotion, we reflect who God has created us to be. We’re given information as to what’s important to Him, what’s important to us, and how we can live according to these values. I’ll be talking more about emotions this month, including how we can honor them and allow them to exist, without allowing them to dictate our decision-making or take over our lives when they seem overwhelming.
