I am a huge fan of feelings. I think they are important and they tell us things. By no means do I think we should ignore them. However, I think we need to consider a few things before we make decisions based off of how we’re feeling. For example, am I taking a particular action because I think it will stop me from feeling a negative feeling, but it’s not something that I want to stand for or promote? Am I coping in a healthy manner or am I just trying to avoid what I’m actually feeling?

Let’s say that a loved one says or does something that hurts you. You value honesty and transparency in your relationships, but confrontation is super uncomfortable, so you decide to just ignore the hurtful thing they did/said, and move on. But you can’t move on, the hurt continues to fester, and you notice yourself feeling resentful. You don’t want to experience conflict with your loved one by bringing up the hurtful event, but by avoiding the discomfort of the possibility of conflict, you find yourself inwardly seething and acting irritably to those around you. While the idea of confrontation makes you feel anxious, you realize that by not addressing what happened, you’re acting in ways that aren’t in line with who you are or what you value.It may be worth considering sitting in the uncertainty (and possibility of discomfort!) of how you will feel when you speak with your loved one about the hurtful event. In this example, acting on your values of honesty and transparency in relationships actually goes hand in hand with acknowledging and caring for the difficult feelings that arose from the conflict in the first place!