There’s a song on Christian radio right now called “Fear is a Liar.” I’ve heard this phrase used in other Christian contexts before, and if you’re a millennial like me, you may remember those popular t-shirts and binder stickers in middle school emblazoned with the slogan, “NO FEAR.”
Whenever I hear this phrase from Christians, I wonder a few things. First, I wonder if the point that they’re actually trying to make is that, since we have faith in a good God who loves us, we can trust that He is protecting us and therefore, do not need to fear. And while I absolutely agree that God is a good, loving, sovereign, and kind Protector, I don’t believe that our fear is worthless or meaningless, or lying to us at all. In fact, I think our fear can be a tool that God uses to protect us.
I’ve used this example in other blog posts, but let’s say I’m playing outside with my kids. They’re kicking a ball around and it starts rolling towards the street. I watch my daughter start to chase it and I instantly feel fear as I watch the ball go into the street, and she seems intent on going after it. This fear I’m feeling motivates me to stop her, to keep her safe, to protect her. I yell at her to stop, I chase after her to grab her, I run into the street myself and risk my own safety…I do whatever it takes to protect her. Once she’s safe out of the street, this experience of my fear motivates me to review with her ways to play safely outside, and what she should do the next time her ball rolls into the street. If I call my fear a liar and sit back and pray that God takes care of her as she runs into the street, I’m abdicating my responsibility to protect her and teach her safety. I’m being foolish.
In my work with women who are looking to establish healthy long-term relationships, I sometimes hear them express fear that their partner will respond in a particularly negative way to them sharing a need or struggle in the relationship. Maybe the fear is that the relationship will turn abusive or maybe it’s the fear of experiencing discomfort that comes from advocating for their own needs, if they lean towards people pleasing tendencies. Whatever the fear is, the fear is pointing towards something, it’s giving us information. It’s not lying to us and telling us not to do anything about it, that we just need to bury our head in the sand and everything will be fine simply because we believe in a good God. No, it’s telling us that we need to make sure we have safety protocols in place if the relationship is abusive, or that maybe we need to look at the client’s history of people pleasing and work on assertiveness skills and self-compassion.
When we immediately call fear a “liar,” we ignore its God-given purpose and function, which is ultimately, to keep us safe and to allow ourselves to experience His comfort and protection. If we buy into the idea that fear is lying to us, we may start to feel foolish and ashamed that we are “believing” fear when we feel afraid, like we’re “not trusting God enough.” I feel sad thinking of the ways in which we, as Christians, have assigned judgments and assumptions to the experience of a gift that God has given us for own sake.
Second, when I hear some iteration of the phrase, “fear is a liar” from Christians, I also wonder if they’re actually talking about anxiety. Anxiety is what we in the therapy world call a secondary emotion. It’s an outcropping of fear, if you will. Fear tells us when a threat is present; anxiety tells us when a threat could be present, or that a threat is present when it’s actually not.
I’ve been afraid of snakes all my life. I would consider myself to have a snake phobia. When I was a child, even just seeing a picture of a snake would make me scream and cry. While I can tolerate seeing pictures of snakes now, if I happen to see one in the wild or at a zoo, the image stays with me for a long time after, and I even sometimes feel like snakes are physically on me afterwards. In this case, the fear that the snake I saw hours ago is physically on my body, that is untrue. If I’m inside of my house, the likelihood of a snake showing up inside is low. I can ground myself in the present, recognize the sensation of the snake being on my body as just a sensation, and wait for the fear to pass.
You may be wondering about those verses in the Bible that specifically tell us not to fear. While I don’t claim to be a Bible scholar, I believe that we can trust God and feel afraid at the same time. Isaiah 43:1-7 comes to mind:
“But now, this what the Lord says—he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: ‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’”
I particularly love this account because God is clear that He has redeemed Israel (despite their idolatry and many failings of Him), that He is in control and sovereign, and will bring back His people who have been exiled. He also makes it clear that He will be with His people through some scary, wild, and unpredictable stuff, like waters, rivers, and even fire. He doesn’t promise a cake walk or the absence of fear, He promises His presence through the fear. He promises that His ultimate purpose will be accomplished, and scary waters and flames will not thwart that. He leads us to resting in His presence in the midst of fear.
We don’t have to call our fear a liar or grit our teeth, pump our fist in the air, and yell, “No fear!” We can acknowledge that we are indeed afraid, but that the God who has redeemed us and has a plan for us and our fear is the same God whose presence is with us in the midst of our fear.
