I recently listened to Dr. Curt Thompson’s podcast, “NeuroFaith,” where he interviewed Jon and Tristen Collins about their new book called, “Why Emotions Matter.” Jon shared his experience growing up in the church, where he learned that emotions are more of a liability than an asset. I resonated with this, as it touched on parts of my own story, and I’ve had countless encounters with clients over the years who have attached judgments to having an emotion, particularly difficult ones, like fear, anger, and sadness. (What do I mean when I talk about attaching judgments to a particular emotion? For example: “I know this is selfish [judgment] because my husband had such a long day at work, but I felt hurt when he snapped at me” or “This shouldn’t have bothered me so much [judgment], but I was really mad when my friend forgot our coffee date.”)

It’s got me wondering when, how, and why we, as Christians, assigned such condemnation to a part of ourselves that God created? Especially when so much of Scripture validates us having emotions? Describes GOD the Father and JESUS as having emotions?

In Matthew 22:37, the Pharisees ask Jesus what the greatest commandment is in the law, and Jesus tells them: “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’” Jesus goes on to tell them that the second greatest commandment is to “’love your neighbor as yourself.’” He adds that “all the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

What does it mean to love the Lord with all my heart, soul, and mind? I am not a Hebrew or Greek scholar, but I believe the gist of what Jesus is saying is to love God with ALL of me, with ALL of who I am. This would include my feelings and emotions (heart), spirit (soul), and my thoughts (mind).

I think that sometimes as Christians, we’re taught or led to believe that in order to love God, we must shut down our feelings and our thoughts. That they don’t matter and that all that matters is what God says in His Word, or what the Law and Prophets say (which is what Jesus says the greatest commandment springs from!). We end up demonizing our emotions, which ironically can make them more heightened and intense to feel, especially if we’ve associated experiencing them with shame or sin.

But what if experiencing our full humanness, our full range of feelings and emotions and thoughts, actually help us to know and love God more fully? Several verses come to mind, but here are three:

• Matthew 11:28: “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
• Psalm 34:28: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
• 2 Corinthians 1:3-4: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

We also have testimony from several characters in the Bible as to how the Lord comforted them in their distress, including David throughout the book of Psalms and Paul in his letters to the early churches throughout the Epistles. Paul writes that the Lord comforts us in our troubles SO THAT we can comfort others. God wants us to identify, name, and allow our difficult emotions so that we can receive His comfort, draw near to Him, and then offer that comfort to others. Our emotions serve a purpose.

There seems to be this idea that if we allow ourselves to feel our feelings, they will overtake us and make us do things we don’t want to do or that are sinful. And I get how we—consciously or unconsciously—come to believe this if we’ve been raised in a setting where emotions are seen as liabilities, things to “get under control.”

But what if we reframe the idea of being emotional as a way in which God draws closer to us? Shows us His comfort? As a way in which we reflect His image? That being emotional helps us to serve others?

If you find yourself having a difficult time reframing what it means to be emotional, I’d encourage you to consider the following questions:

1. What have I been taught about what it means to feel angry? Afraid? Sad? And what to do with these difficult emotions?
2. What am I afraid of happening if I feel this feeling? Do I think it will mean something about me if I allow myself to experience this feeling (for example, I’m “overreacting,” “being too sensitive, “not trusting God,” etc)?
3. What am I currently doing when this feeling comes up for me? Trying to change it or get rid of it? Avoiding it and pretending it’s not there? White knuckling and/or gritting my teeth through it? How are these ways of coping benefitting me? Are they costing me something?

If you’d like extra support in working through some of these questions, feel free to reach out here to schedule a consultation call about counseling services I provide. I’d love to join you in your journey of reframing emotions and experiencing God’s care and comfort in a new way.