I recently saw a meme on Instagram that resonated with me. There’s been a lot of talk about “deconstructing” in Christian faith circles, with several strong opinions both for and against. I appreciated this creator’s perspective (Sam Won, @SamObiWon), when he posted:

“I’m a decluttering Christian. Grateful for the faith I was raised in for it brought me to Jesus. But decluttering junk I picked up along the way. Learning that there’s a lot that felt essential but was just cultural clutter. Not tearing down the house, just cleaning.”

It got me thinking about “clutter” I picked up in my Christian upbringing. So much of what I’ve changed my mind about has little to nothing to do with what I read in Scripture—that remains the ultimate authority for me—but rather what I was taught and/or what I inferred from role models and teachers about what it means to live as a Christian.

One major shift for me over the last 20 years has been in how I view emotions. Growing up, emotions were “good” or “bad.” I should have lots of “good” ones because I know Jesus. And if and when I have a “bad” one, that’s ok, I should just take it to Jesus and I’ll feel better. My fear would go away if I just trusted Jesus.

As I’ve grown, studied counseling, and participated in my own counseling, I’ve come to see how emotions hold no moral value – they are not “good” or “bad,” they just are. But more than that, they give us information. Not only do they show us what we really care about and what our values are, they connect us to each other and to the Lord. They are logical responses to events that happen in our lives – unbelievable joy at our wedding or the birth of a child, profound grief over loss or war or natural disaster. I’ve come to see that when we allow ourselves to experience our own emotions, we reflect our deeply feeling, emotional God. He weeps and mourns the brokenness in our world. He celebrates and rejoices over the glorious riches He gives to His children.

I fear that we, as Christians, have divided emotions into “good” or “bad,” and then taken Bible verses and prescribed antidotes to the “bad” ones. We’ve “spiritualized” emotions. We’ve taken our God-given ability to feel and assigned some kind of spiritual value or meaning to what we feel. Maybe you’ve heard, “God has a plan in this” when something catastrophic has happened. Or you’ve been told to “give it to God” when you feel anxious or worried about something. Someone has hurt you deeply, but you remind yourself to “turn the other cheek.” Or you’ve realized it’s been a while since you’ve had quiet time or prayed, so that must be why you feel anxious.

The tricky thing is, there isn’t anything inherently untrue about the messages above. The Bible tells us that God does have a plan. The Bible tells us to turn to God when we’re struggling. Jesus does say to “turn the other cheek” when someone hurts us. And if we’re in a relationship with the Lord, reading about Him and talking to Him is key to growing and maintaining that relationship.

So, when and how does this become problematic? I believe it becomes problematic when we deny and avoid what we’re feeling, using Scripture as a substitute, antidote, or tool to write away pain. The irony is that when we deny and avoid what we’re feeling, even if we’re “taking it to God” or spending extra time in the Word, we can make our difficult feelings stronger and even worse. Instead of allowing difficult feelings to be present, being honest with ourselves and the Lord with how we’re feeling, we expend extra mental energy to “make it go away.” This in turn tells our brains that it’s not “safe” or normal to experience this emotion, which makes our brain less able to cope and can increase feelings of guilt and shame if we feel some moral or spiritual failing for not “feeling better.”

I fully believe that we can integrate these truths from Scripture into allowing our full range of emotional experiences without using “spiritualizing” as a mode of denying or avoiding our difficult feelings. Below I’ve given some examples of truths we’re often told in difficult moments, how they could be interpreted as a means of avoidance or denial, and an affirmation to try instead.

The spiritual message: “God has a plan in this”

How it could lead to avoidance or denial: Since God has a plan, I shouldn’t worry or get too upset because everything will work out for His glory in the end! In fact, if I do get too upset over this, that may mean I’m not trusting Him enough.

Affirmation to try in difficult moments: I believe God is sovereign and in control. I can trust that He cares for me while also allowing my fear/hurt/grief/difficult emotion.

The spiritual message: “I’m giving it to God.”

How it could lead to avoidance or denial: I feel completely powerless. I’m clearing myself of all responsibility or initiative and letting whatever happens happen.

Affirmation to try in difficult moments: I don’t need to give God control because He’s already in control whether I acknowledge it or not. Instead, I can acknowledge the difficult feelings I experience, consider my values, seek wise counsel where appropriate and make a decision from there.

The spiritual message: “Turn the other cheek.”

How it could lead to avoidance or denial: Standing up for myself is selfish/sinful/wrong. I’m called to be a servant. Therefore, I should just ignore this.

Affirmation to try in difficult relationship situations: I believe the Lord calls me not to seek revenge or retaliate when someone hurts me. Setting boundaries is a loving act that I can do in a kind manner.

The spiritual message: “I’m feeling anxious so I need to pray.”

How it could lead to avoidance or denial: I cannot tolerate this distressing feeling. Prayer is a magic pill that will make me feel better. Or I’m feeling distressed because I haven’t prayed lately.

Affirmation to try in difficult moments: Praying is wonderful! It may or may not take away my anxiety. The purpose of prayer is to be in relationship with God. Whether or not my anxiety dissipates after praying does not depend on if I prayed “right” or “enough.” I may still feel anxious while knowing that God is with me and He loves me and cares for me even in the midst of my anxiety.

If you’d like to learn more about how I integrate evidenced-based treatment for anxiety with Christian principles and Scripture into counseling, check out my contact info to set up your free, 15-minute phone consultation.