Relationships typically start out in a flurry of passion and excitement. It’s natural that those feelings may wane after settling into a life with someone that involves daily routines, and people’s imperfections and annoying quirks come to the surface. The more time we spend with someone, the more we will start to see these things.

Some common factors that lead to boredom in a relationship can be reframed to actually increase passion and emotional connection. Here are some common ways boredom creeps into a relationship:

1. Separate interests: It’s normal and healthy for you and your partner to have separate interests! But if you spend most of your time away from your partner, engaging in your own separate interests and hobbies, it may be a challenge to find something to do together. A good remedy might be to take turns doing something the other person enjoys. You’re getting to experience your partner “in their element” and you may even find something new that you enjoy!
2. Doing the same old thing: Trying something new for both of you can inject some excitement into your relationship. Even if you try something you both end up hating, this creates its own kind of bond! Or, if one partner enjoys the activity and the other partner doesn’t, this creates an opportunity for a new kind of dialogue. Experiencing your partner in various contexts gives you the opportunity to learn new things about your partner and bond in new ways.
3. Lack of emotional intimacy: If you feel a lack of emotional intimacy, or inability or lack of desire to share your emotions with your partner, this may lead to stagnation. When we are vulnerable with others, we create a deeper bond with them, especially if they respond in validating ways to us opening up. Busyness, exhaustion, fear, etc may keep us from initiating emotional conversations with our partner, which in turn, may make us feel emotionally distant and therefore bored with our relationship.

Boredom does not have to jeopardize or define your relationship. Trying new things together and making emotional contact with your partner to build emotional intimacy can inject new life and energy into your relationship. Maybe you could start by discussing how you feel bored in the relationship and brainstorming fun things to do together!