I gave up setting New Year’s resolutions a long time ago.They were never really that great (mostly about changing some aspect of my body rather than self-acceptance and appreciating the healthy body I’ve already got), I never really stuck to them (I’m not sure any diet I ever tried made it past January), and I ended up with feelings of failure.

Who wants to start the New Year feeling like that?!

Well, friends, I’m here to tell you – New Year’s resolutions are out…New Year’s intentions and key words are in!

Umm, but aren’t those the same as resolutions?

Well, yes and no.

Like resolutions, we consciously choose intentions and keywords to shape or influence our behavior for the upcoming year. Kacey Waxier at Darling Magazine defines intention setting as choosing “an action, feeling or state of mind we wish to cultivate.” Waxier writes that resolutions are typically “external actions or desired outcomes,” and that “they stem from what we believe is missing from our lives.” On the contrary, intentions are already within us, they’re already something we desire and value, we just need to bring them to surface. Waxier says that intentions can be much more accessible and fulfilling than resolutions because “there is no striving, no hustling and no reaching,only recognizing and rediscovering those splendid pieces of us.”

According to Joan Hyman at Wanderlust, intention setting gives us direction and purpose. She writes: “When we lose sight of our purpose,a void is created and we can easily stray off our path. Focusing on your heart and what’s important to you creates clarity and self-discovery.” Blogger Geneva Vanderzeil chooses a key word to sum up her intentions or goals for the year, in hopes that the word will help guide her decisions and actions. She’s found it easier to remember a single word than a list of goals.

So, what are some of the pros of setting intentions? Setting intentions can help us get organized by brainstorming what it is we want to accomplish or embody. This can be particularly helpful for those who have an array of thoughts and ideas floating around in their heads, especially if they write them down. Writing these intentions down on paper can be helpful in formulating a plan as to how we might go about making these intentions a reality, and can bring us back when we face changes or veer off course. For example, if my key word intention for the year is simplicity, and then I start to feel overwhelmed with commitments throughout the year, remembering my key word can help me make future decisions regarding my schedule, including prioritizing what is most important to me, and considering what I am able to let go of.

I really love Joan Hyman’s commentary on this point: “Though it’s easy to forget, we have a tremendous amount of control over our lives. The small decisions we make daily lead to different paths. Life is not a pre-fix menu. It’s a mystery that unfolds every single day. We don’t have control over what obstacles life throws in our path, but we can control our actions. By setting intentions and keeping them close, we can facilitate the path that we choose.”

Like setting New Year’s resolutions, we have to be mindful of not falling into the perfectionism trap with our intentions and key words. If we view setting intentions as setting expectations, rather than values to live by, we set ourselves up for more anxiety and more feelings of failure. It’s important to set our intentions for the year with a wide measure of grace for ourselves. None of us know what 2019 will hold, what might be thrown in our path, or removed from our plates, and how our intentions may change. By remaining open and mindful of what is happening around us, we can care for ourselves, address negative thought patterns that may occur if we find ourselves living outside of our intentions,and adjust our intentions and/or actions accordingly. Vanderzeil found that having a key word helped her to adjust her goals as the year wore on and things changed. She also found that instead of feeling disheartened when things changed and she couldn’t quite accomplish what she wanted to, having a key word to guide her overall approach to the year served as a helpful check-in.

Some tips for setting intentions:

1. Consider the intentions you want to set, as well as your individual values. Ask yourself: do these intentions line up with my most important values? If not, they may not be worth the extra effort or they may be more likely to fall by the wayside.
2. Dig deep. Waxier recommends that we ask ourselves: “What do we need more of in our lives?” She then emphasizes “the need to dig all the way down to the root of that desire” and evaluate where we experience pain in our lives. Where does our longing for this intention come from? A lack of self-worth? Shame? Guilt?
3. Be open. Recognize that your values may shift throughout the year based on what is happening in your life. Be open to evaluating your intentions throughout the year and if each intention fits within your phase of life or with what matters most to you.
4. Prioritize. Is what I’m intending to do in line with what matters most to me? If yes, then prioritize it! If not, then consider why you wanted to set this intention in the first place, and decide if it can wait until later or if you want to discard it altogether.
5. Write it down where you will see it. Bathroom mirror, refrigerator, car steering wheel…anywhere that will gently remind you.
6. Remember that there is no pass or fail grade.This may be the most important tip of all! Instead, as Waxier writes, “it is an accessible state of mind” and reminding ourselves of our intentions are “nudges to enhance each day.”

Intentions and keywords can take a variety of forms. Maybe it’s something relationally focused, like being vulnerable or acts of service. Maybe it’s something more internal, like self-compassion or cultivating gratitude. Whatever it may be for you, setting intentions involves reflecting on what matters to you most and tuning into how the way in which we live lines up with our most important values. Instead of ringing in the New Year looking at everything we want to change and improve about ourselves, let’s focus on what’s most important to us, what already lies within, and how we can celebrate and share that with the world.

References

Hyman, J. How to set your new year intentions. Wanderlust. Retrieved from https://wanderlust.com/journal/how-to-set-your-new-year-intentions/

Vanderzeil, G. (2017). How to choose one word to define andguide your year ahead. A Pair & ASpare. Retrieved from https://apairandasparediy.com/2017/01/choose-word-guide-resolutions-2017/.

Waxier, K.  (2017). How to set your intention for anew year. Darling, Magazine. Retrievedfrom https://darlingmagazine.org/how-to-set-a-new-year-intention/