It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

But what if it isn’t?

Many folks find themselves with a case of the blues during the holiday season for a variety of reasons. It can serve as a reminder of grief, for those who sat around our Christmas tree last year, but are no longer with us this year. It can highlight feelings of loneliness, if family is far away or we don’t have loved ones to spend the holidays with. It can bring heightened levels of stress, as we deal with difficult relatives and packed schedules. Not to mention, our bodies are still adjusting to less daylight, which can certainly impact our mood.

So, how do we survive all of the merriment if we feel anything but merry?

First, it’s important to know that you are not the only one struggling around the holidays. It can certainly feel that way, with all of the messages of warmth and cheer that we’re bombarded with this time of year. But many people feel down during the holiday season. Consider connecting with folks struggling with similar feelings. See if there are groups in your area that offer support and camaraderie. Counseling agencies and churches are good places to start. Online groups can also be helpful, although connecting with people face-to-face is ideal. Or, just reach out to a friend, co-worker, or acquaintance to meet for coffee. Connection with others, even if it’s over something simple, like the latest blockbuster movie, helps us to feel less isolated and alone, and reminds us of our common humanity in that we all struggle at various points in our lives.

Second, practice gratitude. Practicing gratitude has been shown to help boost positive feelings, even in the midst of difficulty. One of the world’s leading researchers on the subject of gratitude is Dr. Robert Emmons, who defines gratitude as an affirmation of goodness that comes from a source outside of one’s self. He writes that practicing gratitude does not mean we ignore complaints, burdens, or the fact that our lives are not perfect. Instead, practicing gratitude leads us to identify the goodness in our lives, as well as acknowledge the big and small gifts that come from other people and God to help us achieve this goodness in our lives. He writes that this “helps us see the big picture and not feel overwhelmed by the setbacks we’re facing in the moment.” Making a gratitude list can be helpful, or paying attention to your five senses and what they are experiencing can point us back to the amazing things our body can do, sense, and feel. (I recently wrote a piece about how to practice gratitude when you don’t feel grateful for MeetMindful, which you can read here.)

Third, being intentional about keeping up a self-care routine, despite the craziness of the season, is also important. While it may be harder around the holidays, maintaining a healthy diet as best you can, as well as keeping up with your exercise and bedtime routines, can help combat feelings of sluggishness. However, remember to give yourself some grace if you find yourself eating more cookies, exercising less than you usually do, or going to bed later. Healthy eating, exercise, and sleep help your body feel good and maintain energy levels. If you’re off schedule or routine, doing something small can still be effective. Beating yourself up for the eggnog and pie you consumed at the Christmas party will only leave you feeling defeated and steal your enjoyment of these yummy treats! Punishing and berating ourselves for unhealthy eating or lack of exercise is not productive or caring.

Fourth, practice being present. Instead of getting caught up in preparations, gifts, plans, etc., practice remaining present and noticing the moment. You can do this simply by pressing your feet flat into the floor and notice them making contact with the ground, while letting your thoughts flow freely. Another way you can practice being present is by noticing 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Being present in the moment gives us more accurate information about what is actually happening around us, and therefore, gives us more resources and energy to act in accordance with what is most important to us.

Finally, set boundaries. An entire blog post could be devoted to the topic of boundaries around the holidays! But here are a few things to consider:

• It’s okay to say no to activities if you’re feeling overwhelmed with an already packed schedule. Consider the notion of quality over quantity. For example, say you have a holiday event scheduled for three of the four weekends in December, and you are very much looking forward to that one weekend at home with nothing going on. And then, your friend/relative/family member calls you and invites you to do something on that one free weekend. You could technically go, but you know how much you were looking forward to staying home in sweats and watching Hallmark Christmas movies. You know if you go, you’ll be wishing you were at home, and chances are high that you’ll end up grumpy, tired, and resentful of your loved one for inviting you out. No one is having fun then. You may be spending time with your loved ones, but it’s not quality time.
• It’s okay to take breaks from the relatives staying in your home. Again, quality over quantity. If you feel your energy fading or your mood darkening due to too much time with the folks staying in your house (no matter how much you love them—it happens!), give yourself permission to take breaks. Sure, plan a few fun activities to do with your guests who are in town, but also show them where you keep your magazines and make sure they have the WiFi password for when you need to retreat to the privacy of your bedroom for a quick—or not so quick—nap. Again, this will help you to feel refreshed and ready for engagement with them over dinner, as opposed to feeling grumpy, easily irritated, and snappy.
• Decide when, how, and what controversial topics you will engage in conversation about. Considering how politically divided our country is at the moment, most of our families are also pretty divided. Consider who might initiate conversations about what controversial topics, and how you might respond. It is completely acceptable to tell that relative of yours that you’d rather not discuss politics over Christmas ham. Or, if you do like to engage in such discourse, tread carefully, remaining present to your own feelings, as well as acknowledging that your opinions—no matter how thoughtful and well researched they may be—are strictly yours and not the other person’s. Chances are high that you will not convince them otherwise, just as they will probably not convince you otherwise. Accept the difference, and move on to a new topic if you find yourself getting heated.

Struggling around the holidays does not make you a Grinch. Life consists of both pain and joy. Think about the message of Christmas – we celebrate the birth of Christ with joy, while also recognizing that he left his Father in heaven to come to earth and eventually die. We celebrate God’s love and provision of a Savior for us, while also recognizing our desperate need for a Savior because of sin, pain, and suffering in our world. We encounter both beauty and pain in the Christmas story, but overall, the incomparable gift of God’s Son to our poor, tired, and needy souls. That’s a gift that I desperately need, and a gift that keeps on giving year round.

References

Emmons, R. (2013). Five myths about gratitude. Greater Good Magazine. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_myths_about_gratitude.

Emmons, R. (2013). How gratitude can help you through hard times. Greater Good Magazine. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_can_help_you_through_hard_times

Emmons, R. (2007). Pay it forward. Greater Good Magazine. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/pay_it_forward

Emmons, R. (2010). Why gratitude is good. Greater Good Magazine. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_gratitude_is_good

Emmons, R. (2010). 10 ways to become more grateful. Greater Good Magazine. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/ten_ways_to_become_more_grateful1